


hi, i'll take one large order of pettiness, thank you

by wjjmwmsn5



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Gen, Trans Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-19 13:18:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12411030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wjjmwmsn5/pseuds/wjjmwmsn5
Summary: Peter mentions in passing how everyone teases him because no one believes he's actually a part of any Stark internship. Tony decides to be petty.





	hi, i'll take one large order of pettiness, thank you

**Author's Note:**

> this was requested by someone on my tumblr transpeterparkers! if you have any requests, let me know in the comments or send me an ask on my blog. also if you enjoy this, let me know in either place! i love all feedback friendos
> 
> also sorry about the weird formatting around italics and the tildes??? idk how to fix that so if you do know,,, feel free to let me know in a comment!

Peter was exhausted. He had spent the whole night before out on patrol with Tony and still couldn’t collapse in bed the moment he got home because he had homework. He had asked May if he could skip school, just this once, just to nap, and she had given him a  _ look _ —one that told him that he didn’t need to ask that question again to know the answer.  _ If you want to be Spider-Man, you have to balance your superhero life with your student one,  _ and  _ You shouldn’t have stayed out so late _ , and  _ One of these days I’m going to strangle Tony Stark.  _ All predictable Aunt May answers, but he thought he’d ask anyway.

So he trudged through the hallways between periods, and forced his eyes to pry themselves open between long blinks in class. It would have been a good day if he weren’t so mind-numbingly tired.

Until Spanish, that was. His teacher was giving a lecture about people making sure they paid attention to the little things, and maybe Peter could have managed to keep his eyes open if they had been doing anything, but it was the millionth time that year that he had heard the speech about the importance of  _ pluralidad.  _ He looked down at his desk and felt his eyes shut at some point, and it was only intended to be for a moment, only intended to happen so he didn’t have to listen, but when he heard laughing around him and the sound of his name, he figured it was a little bit longer. 

“Se ñ or Parker, tienes sue ño?”

He jerked his head up and looked at the teacher. “What?” 

The teacher let out a breath and turned around, away from Peter. Someone near him whispered in his direction, “What, did dinner with the Avengers take too long last night?” The boy’s tone was condescending and it grated at Peter’s skin. 

He didn’t need the glory of being Spider-Man, but he wished some of the people who teased him so much knew that he wasn’t just some weird, nerdy kid who really liked the Avengers. He wished that they understood that he was actually out there saving people’s asses, and that the night before he  _ had  _ been out late fighting crime with an Avenger. He wished that he could at least say that he was busy with the “Stark internship,” but even that caused people to roll their eyes.

It was just frustrating that when it wasn’t transphobic insults it was treating him like he was weird because he had ever talked about the “Stark internship.”

He sat through the rest of Spanish and the rest of the day, not trusting his eyes to just close for a moment anymore. All he looked forward to was hurrying home and taking the longest nap in his life. He told himself he wouldn’t be spideying at all that night —he was tired, he had homework, he wanted to spend some time with May. No, tonight was strictly a Peter Parker Night.

He thought this now, and with conviction, but he was sure that later once he woke up from his nap, he would already be thinking about the best time to go out and look for crime. 

It was exhausting to be a superhero during the school year. How did adults do it with, like, taxes and shit? 

At decathlon practice it was all he could do to not lean back against the wall in the corner and shut his eyes where he hoped no one would notice. MJ could tell how tired he was and took it easy on him, though. He checked his phone while some of the others were up taking their turns running through questions. 

There was one from May— _ What do you want to eat tonight? _ —and one from  _ Tony,  _ of all people:  _ Look for Happy’s car after school. _

Peter’s heart immediately jumped. What was it? A mission? Had Tony decided to just give him the iron spider suit, for regular friendly neighborhood crime-fighting? Did he do something wrong the night before? 

All he could do was look at the clock, anxiously waiting for it to be time to go. 

Ned came over to him and sat down next to him. “Hey, how’s staying awake coming?”

“Much better now,” he said through a yawn. “Tony just texted me and told me to look for Happy’s car.”

“Happy as in—isn’t that the guy who drives you to the Avengers’ place?” 

Peter nodded. “Yeah, him. That Happy,” he said. 

“Dude—” Ned’s eyes were wide and he nudged Peter. “ _ Dude,  _ do you think there’s another mission? Do you think you’re going to Germany?”

He shrugged, looking over at Ned, and the possibilities of what a mission could be went through his head quickly, though none of them seemed likely. Had aliens returned? Was there a secret government agency intent on destroying them all? Were ghosts real? That last one was  _ probably  _ the least likely, but it was definitely the most exciting. And the most terrifying. “I don’t know, he never tells me anything and when I ask he usually just says he doesn’t wanna type it out.” 

“He’s, like, a tech genius. Shouldn’t he understand how to use talk-to-text?” Ned asked, a frown on his face. 

“I don’t know. I don’t know how the Avengers work. I mean, he has really cool AI—he made  _ me  _ some really cool AI—you’d think he’d have an even better version of talk-to-text.” 

Ned paused, looking over at him. “Peter, you have a weird life.”

“Yeah, I really do.” 

…

After decathlon practice was over, he waved goodbye to MJ and the rest of the team, and waited for Ned as he grabbed something he forgot out of his locker. He insisted on coming with Peter out to the car— _ What if all the Avengers are in the car, Peter? What if I miss a chance to meet  _ all  _ the Avengers? _ —so they walked out together, both of them formulating their own versions on exactly what Peter was going to be told out in the car.

When they walked to the place where kids picked up their parents, Peter was looking around for the black car that Happy always drove. But Ned nodded in the direction of a big group of kids already flocking around someone, and when Peter was able to see through a couple of the people, he saw Tony Stark, leaning against Happy’s car, looking nonchalantly at his phone out in the Midtown Tech pickup area. 

_ Holy shit.  _

“Peter, that’s Tony,” Ned said, looking over at him with wide eyes. He nudged his arm a couple thousand times in the matter of seconds, and then said, louder this time, “Peter,  _ that’s Tony Stark! _ ”

Peter remembered last night, when he was complaining a mile a minute about homework, about someone who said something annoying out on patrol the other night, about how people always teased him about the Stark internship because no one believed him. And when he was done with his rant, he thought that Tony had just nodded along and put in “mm-hmm”s where appropriate, but all he wanted was a listener, whether they were truly listening or not.

He hadn’t thought that he would act on any of the things that Peter complained about.

He really was like a strange, distant, eccentric uncle sometimes. Peter stepped toward the group of people, many of them asking for Tony’s autograph, as Happy sat in the car with the window down. He could see how wary Happy looked, to just have Tony out there at the high school like this, but Happy was always like that. 

When they got closer to the group of people standing at a distance around Tony that seemed only to be imposed by the stare Happy gave anyone that got too close to the car, many people turned to look at him. Over the confused murmurs, he heard a couple, “No way…”s. 

_ Yeah, way!  _ he wanted to say to all of them.  _ Shove my Stark internship up your ass! _

“Peter, please, will you convince Tony Stark to take me home, too?” Ned said, snapping him out of his fantasy one-liners. “There is honestly no experience that I’ve ever wanted to have this much in my life.”

Peter grinned over at him. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?” he said, picking up his pace and going around the group of people toward Tony. He walked up to him. “Hey, Mr. Stark.”

Tony looked up from his phone at the two of them and then nodded to the car as he got in the front seat next to Happy. Peter and Ned climbed into the back and Tony turned around to talk to them. “Thank that’ll shut them up?” he said. 

He hesitated for a moment. That was  _ really _ all this was? Shutting people up? He didn’t understand Tony. But he nodded enthusiastically and answered, “Yeah, I think that’ll do the trick.”

Tony looked at Ned and nodded to him. “You’re… Ned, right?” 

Ned nodded, eyes wide and speechless. 

“Well, where to? Your place or Ned’s?” Tony asked him. 

“Uh.” Peter looked over at Ned, who was still too speechless to make a decision. “My place is good.”

Tony nodded and the window separating the front from the back rolled up. Ned turned to Peter slowly and pointed to the mirror that now stood between them and the adults, mouthing the words,  _ Tony! Fucking! Stark! _

Yeah. Tony Fucking Stark. He had a really weird life. 

**Author's Note:**

> back at the avengers compound nat teases him about giving a shit about this nerdy spider dude constantly. she also tells him he's in weird uncle territory. if weird uncles supply their weird nephews with million dollar superhero costumes, that is


End file.
